you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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