I'm gonna have a badass scar
handjob tips. give me some.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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