I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
