I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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