The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
