if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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