Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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