yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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