I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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