my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
