I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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