I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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