hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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