Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Randomize
