I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
