Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
