i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You pole danced in your parka.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
me + whiskey = a bad person
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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