i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
