just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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