I am puke
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
