it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
