Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
