Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
