I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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