i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
