I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
