Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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