Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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