'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
