BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's shark week go big or go home
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
