My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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