wakey wakey hands off snakey
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
