the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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