i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
