so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
