I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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