smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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