I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
