I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
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