I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
