I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I would ride that face into the sunset
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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