I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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