Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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