she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
