No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
