I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
