I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize