He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
