I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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