You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
