Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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