Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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