Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
