The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
