after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize