I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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