how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
