I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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