I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
