i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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