Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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