Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize