I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
