Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
