THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
