I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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