Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize