I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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