my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
