I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
