So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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