We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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