I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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