oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
