haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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