yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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